


Distant

by letsrunawaytogether



Category: Gerard Way and the Hormones, My Chemical Romance, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: Frerard, M/M, Post Break Up, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 04:09:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4165236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsrunawaytogether/pseuds/letsrunawaytogether
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's in a little unknown cafe in LA that Gerard gets a chance to see Frank. There's so much he wants to say that he doesn't, but at least there's a chance to fix things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distant

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic ever on AO3 is going to be frerard. Wooooo  
> Inspiration for this came from theories and song analysis' made by the lovely iero-eyeyearoh on tumblr, which made me into a full-time frerard shipper. Please feel free to look at those since they are well written and well supported.  
> This takes place during the time that both Gee and Frank are in LA.

It's been so long since they've said anything to each other.

Gerard skims through a lot of his old twitter feed as he sips coffee at a relatively new but popular cafe. Gerard isn't entirely sure what compelled him to leave his hotel room out of the blue, but perhaps it had something to do with a certain old bandmate being in LA at this very moment. It shouldn't make him do this, even if the thought of talking to said bandmate nagged at him constantly to finally do so. He's ignored that voice for a while now despite the contradicting want to give in and call, text, email- _anything_ to Frank Iero.

So why is he just sitting here? Oh right, he doesn't have a clue where Frank's at right now. The right thing to do would be to take out his phone and call him- or text him, since Gee knew his voice would give away how nervous he'd be in a heartbeat. He still has Frank's number sitting in his phone, unused for months, or years really. Gerard's so conflicted about it that he kind of hopes that he can shake off these thoughts and just go back to his hotel and sketch until he forgets this. He's positive that drawing will keep this out of his mind, for a little bit at least. Then he'll remember this at three in the morning and realize he's losing- or _lost_ \- something important: a friend of his. Or, acquaintance? He has no idea how Frank is still feeling regarding My Chem's breakup or about _him_ , but he is absolutely sure that it's not positive. Stomachaches sure showed that.

He sips the last of his coffee and sets the empty cup down before checking the time on his phone. 2:08 p.m. Yeah, he could definitely draw for six hours straight. That should get Frank off his mind, right? This place is a nice place to think, so Gerard decides to keep this spot in mind the next time he feels like going out for coffee and relaxing for a while. He does a quick sweep of the room with his eyes and has a small urge to draw it when he gets his hands on his sketchbook. It has a comforting atmosphere that makes him feel like he's home. Definitely a place he should draw.

And then he sees a familiar face, sitting in the deserted corner of the cafe. Probably just there to kill some time, since he's just having a coffee and is just looking through his phone like Gerard had been doing for the last hour.

Frank's _right there_ , says the voice in Gee's head. The universe is either blessing Gerard or tormenting him with this chance, because he knows things are going to go south pretty fast as soon as he greets Frank. Taking a deep breath, Gerard crosses the room and is now standing in front of Frank's booth. Either the other man's really invested in his twitter feed or he's deliberately waiting for Gerard to start the conversation. Which he does, with a quiet, "Hey."

Frank says, "Hello," before looking away from his phone and giving him a smile. It doesn't reach his eyes, and already Gerard feels awkward. Things feel tense on his side, but to Frank, it's likely that he's going to act like this on purpose.

"Mind if I join you?"

"No problem." He slides into the seat across from Frank, and is just realizing that the only things he can do now are look at his own phone or keep Frank talking. He'll have to be the one striking up the conversation, because the other man is alternating between sipping his coffee and checking his twitter. Or probably texting Jamia, since Gee gets a glimpse of a genuine smile on Frank's face that falls when he looks up and says, "So, why are you here?"

"Came by for some coffee. This is a new place and I thought, why not try it? It's great, comfy and cozy unlike some cafes here. Might draw it later when I get back to my hotel."

"That's nice." He takes a large gulp of his coffee, and Gerard notices there's only a quarter of the cup left. He's probably trying to finish up faster now that he's got undesirable company- and unfortunately that company has to be Gerard himself. The thought that Frank is actually attempting to leave because of him unsettles him more than it should. "But that's not what I meant. You have no reason to talk to me, which you've made pretty clear with the lack of communication between the two of us for, what, over 3 months now? I'm just here to pass some time alone before hanging out with my band for the rest of the day."

Back then, 'my band' would've meant him, Gee, Mikey, and Ray, with a different drummer depending on what album they worked on. They could be driving around in the old van, recording in a basement, or just sitting in a hotel laughing about random shit for a couple of hours before rocking out on stage. Those were great times, times that Gerard can still remember clear as day and might smile about before pulling himself back to reality.

Those days are over though. Now Frank's referring to the Cellabration. Gee's heart drops a little at that realization.

"Well, it's really just a lucky coincidence that we're both here now. I thought maybe I could just come by and say hi in person."

"You did." Frank doesn't say more, forcing Gerard to keep the conversation going. He's going to hate bringing this up, but he's not sure what else to say at this point. "How's Jamia and the kids?"

"Fine. They miss me, and Jamia calls or skypes to check up on me. Unlike you." And there's that lovely feeling of being punched in the gut that Gerard feels upon being reminded of this. "Once I get back to them we'll be spending the whole day together to make up for the time I was away. Love 'em a lot, miss 'em a lot. Can't wait to get back to 'em." Another gulp of coffee, and there's only barely any left to cover the bottom of the cup. Frank raises the cup to eye level and moves it around, the little amount of coffee inside swirling around a bit. "Well, I think I'm all done. I'm out of here." He makes a move to get up, and Gerard suddenly feels anxious.

If he lets Frank leave now, God knows when they'll ever speak to each other again.

"Frank, wait." The shorter man goes to toss his cup into the nearest trashcan, but to Gerard's surprise, he comes back and slides back into his seat, his hands shoved into his pockets. He's just staring now, so Gerard thinks of something to say when he realizes he didn't have a clue what he would say and just wanted to keep Frank around longer. Then he decides to bring up something he has avoided for too long. "I'm sorry about the break up. I truly am. And I am so sorry for hurting you so much in the process, especially now that I know how you still feel about it."

"Heh. At least you listened to the whole album."

"I did. You put a lot of work into it, obviously. It's fantastic."

"I know."

"So I hope you know some of the things I've said in Hesitant Alien."

"I do."

"And?"

"You make me doubt so many things, Gerard." Frank leans forward, and Gerard is pinned with an emotionless gaze that used to say so much more to him years ago. "I don't think you really get it, do you? You and Ray and Mikey may have moved on, but no matter what I think, there will always be a part of me that misses the thing that took up over a decade of my life. You three may not care anymore, but I do. I've expressed that with Stomachaches. And one other thing, " he leans closer, enough so that Gerard can see the green in his eyes clearly, "You couldn't have us both. And it's clear now what we _both_ chose." Frank gets up, and Gerard follows. He's not letting Frank get away that easily. They've got a lot more to talk about, and Gee has more to say.

They're walking along a thankfully deserted street, save for the few cars that drive by. Gerard's glad that no one will hear the conversation he intends to keep pushing on Frank. Frank's walking at a fast pace, but Gerard's able to catch up to him in a heartbeat thanks to his longer legs. "I don't know what you want me to say," he says when he manages to walk beside him, "I can't change anything now. What's done is done, and I can't go back on my choices Frank." Gerard knows that he's referring to more than just MCR.

"As I said, it's clear what we both chose. You broke up My Chem, and here we all are doing our own things. Mikey's busy with Electric Century, Ray's doing whatever he wants at his own pace, and I'm with the Cellabration with a loving little family waiting for me at home. You already know what you've chosen."

"But what can I do to fix this? To fix _us_? I know you've been in contact with Ray and Mikey, since they've mentioned you when we talk."

"Ah, so you talk to them but I'm off limits."

"You haven't exactly said anything to _me_ , Frank."

"Yes, with that reason being _I don't want to_."

" _So tell me what I can do to change that_!" Gerard is sounding a bit desperate now and he hates how pathetic his voice is starting to sound to his own ears. But, God, he is desperate. He realizes this now, as he finally has the opportunity to fix whatever the hell's happened to his friendship with Frank Anthony Iero but is quickly losing the fight. "We can't just bring My Chemical Romance out of absolutely nowhere, and I can't just leave Lindsey and Bandit behind all for some stage gay relationship we made ourselves believe we had, Frank. Life doesn't work like that!"

As Gerard says all this, Frank is slowing down, his teeth clenched and his hands formed into fists in his pants pockets. He knows, and it hurts, but he's not going to show it. Not to Gerard, the one who started the whole mess in the first place.

Frank doesn't say anything for a few minutes, and now he and Gerard are in a small little park that shouldn't have been as empty as it is but Gee's glad. At least this is more private. They stop underneath the shade of a tree, the street empty. Where the hell are they if it's this quiet in somewhere as busy as LA? Gerard makes a mental note to remember this whole area if he ever wants to relax. He's waiting for a reply, and ends up surveying the area long enough to be startled when Frank says, "Then that's it." Gerard looks at him, all of the air knocked out of his lungs. "You can't repair what we had, Gerard. Not fully." He's not looking at Gee.

"You're still pissed at me."

"I am _absolutely_ fucking pissed at you... but you can still try to make things the way they were between us. Before things started to get serious. Don't expect me to be to be like I was during My Chem. You're not getting all my friendly shit back so quickly."

"...Okay." It's better than nothing, especially to Gerard. He smiles, but it's more out of relief than genuine joy. He can still fix this, no matter how badly he's messed up him and Frank. He's giving the smile to Frank, but he doesn't get the fake smile he got in the cafe. He doesn't get a smile at all.

Frank finally looks at him, with an expressionless face. "Have to go meet up with the band. Probably wondering where I've gone and why I'm late." He starts walking back the way they came.

Gerard watches as he gets further away, and calls out, "See you later, Frank." Without looking back at him, Frank says over his shoulder, "Bye, Gerard."

* * *

Now it's three in the morning, and Gerard's laying in bed with his sketchbook in his lap, unable to sleep. After what happened earlier, he's left drawing for the whole day, refusing to do anything on social media. He's decided not to post anything as long as Frank's here. Who knows if the posts he makes will end up being influenced by his encounter with Frank? Gerard groans and covers his face in his hands. He moves his hands away away to get a look at his sketch, and sighs deeply. Of course he draws Frank of all people. The Frank in his drawing captures the beauty of the real Frank. Gerard hesitantly places a hand on the drawing, keeping his eyes on Frank's face, as if he actually had the real one in front of him. Then the image of his loving wife and amazing daughter pop into his head and he snatches his hand away as if burned. Frustrated, he places the sketchbook on the nightstand and flops back onto the pillow, staring at the ceiling before feeling a prickling sensation behind his eyes and covering them with his hands. So many thoughts end up racing in his head, with one thought being a fact to him.

If he had accepted their relationship all those years ago, Gerard and Frank could have been something so _beautiful_.

Gerard can never dream of losing Lindsey and Bandit. He'd never give them up for anything. But dear _God_ he has to wonder _what could have been_ between him and Frank.

Even if there's no chance of it ever happening again.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize if the writing is not very good. I still have an account and fanfics on Fanfiction.net but have not written since 2010. However I really like AO3 and chose to give fanfic writing a shot again.  
> I really liked writing this, so I might write another little drabble connecting to this.  
> I've noticed that a large amount of Frerard fics on AO3 tend to be AU's, and while there are many that I love, I wanted to see more fics that weren't AU's. So, a lot of the things I'll end up writing over the summer will be non-AU frerard, mainly with angst. Can't wait to contribute to the fandom.  
> Update: I wrote a sequel to this fic [here!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4172652/chapters/9420507)


End file.
